When The Sh1t Got Real..!!

Hola! this is UCeejay and it's my official comedy blog. Oh heyy.. don't call it shitty blog. GTFO!! loser :x


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Phir bhi tumko chheduga ft. Anti-Romeo Squad

(male)
Tum mere college mai mere ho
Kal shayad ye semester rahe naa rahe
Kuch aisa ho tum single na raho
Kuch aisa ho hum akele hi rahe

Yeh raaste baar mai jaaye
Pite Pite hum kho jaayein…

Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga (x2)

Is hawas mein marr jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Meri “nice guy” mein har khamoshi hain
Tere jism ke nagme gaunga

Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Is hawas mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga

Aise zaroori ho mujhko tum
Jaise petrol meri bike ko
Aise talashun main tumko
Jaise bhuka minion banana ko

Siti yaa ankh marna ho mujhe
Paagal sa dhoondhun main tumhe
Kal mujhse aur sharat ho naa ho
Kal meri izzat ho naa ho
Tutte dil ke tukde lekar
Tere ghar ke gate pe hi reh jaaunga

Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Is hawas mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga

(female)
Tum yoon dikh jao mujhe
Bas anti-romeo squad walo ko call karti ho
Sirf apne college se nahi ab toh
Poora sheher ke tumpe haste hain

Mere din raat teri calls ginu
Sab hai tere messages others folder mai
Yeh block hoke bhi sudhrega nahin
Tumhari free ki Jio SIMs aur meri Vodafone post-paid

(male)
Lekin pitke mai yaad karoge tumko
Main delivery boy banke aa jaaunga ohh..

Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Iss hawas mein mar jaunga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga

Main phir bhi tumko chheduga
Main phir bhi tumko chheduga (x2)

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Round of applause to team Gunda!

Hell yeah! to team Gunda. These people are so strong and motivate to current generation who lost their faith in their swag and shiz.

Bulla: You’re the man of India! You never had dispute with taxi or auto wala because you always keep khulla in this paytm generation, man.
You help poor bachelorette girls in winters with hypothermia by releasing their sweat with your own heat.
You let your sister free like a bird, don’t control over her clothing and judgements, I heard that lambu atta made her taller, never know she had insecurity about her height.

Chutiya: You’re the symbol of LBGT in India, broh!
So proud  of you that you’re out of your closet in such a young age. You have such a great confidence and believe in yourself, you have good moral and family values and keep your brotha Bulla help around in his bad times, you try you best and pull up beds of best people around. So proud!

gunda

Lambu Atta: The guy who believes in the concept of open relationship before it was cool. You never judge your wife when she sleeps with other men arond (slow claps by Deepika Padukone). Your rhymes are even much better than William Wordsworth’s poem because you think twice or thrice before you speak that is rare in today’s generation.

Poté: You’re an example of avant garde minamilistic fashion and your retro aviator glasses broh! makes you a trend setter. Plus your sanskari values makes you the best grandson anyone can ever imagine. It’s sad you don’t have kids as you say your dad can’t have poté. Your examples are very practical like raining corpses like baby’s nunni. If Robert Frost should have taken this road he might be in a better place, I am truly sure.

Ibu Hatela: You’re so proud of your ghosty parents who actually died in your childhood. You get visual hallucinations about their work. Grown up in grave yard with such a good health and hyperkalemia as you keep eating those bananas you offer to us in days where price is touching sky.  Please offer more and eat less otherwise you will get cardiac arrhythmia or kidney problems mahn!


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Sonch Na Sake (Parody of Soch Na Sake from the movie Airlift)

Tenu itna main bharosa karaan
Ek pal vich sau baar karaan
Tu jaave je mainu kudi utha ke
Ab mai teri maut da intezaar karaan

Ke tere pichhe kutte chhod diye hai
Tujhpe hi kaat kha ke ruke
Main tereko itna pitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi sonch na sake (x2)

Kuch bhi nahi hai teri aukaat
Pesa hain nahi tab bhi jiyega zindagi

Kuch bhi nahi hai teri aukaat
Pesa hain nahi tab bhi jiyega zindagi
Ab tu ruk tujhko jaana hai kahaan
Ab tera safar hai aakhiri

Ke tere bilkul jeena mumkin nahin
Ab dekhna kabhi meri kudi ko aank utha ke
Main tereko itna pitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi sonch na sake

Tere pichhe kutte chhod diye hai
Tujhpe hi kaat kha ke ruke
Main tereko itna pitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi sonch na sake

Ab meri hai yeh khwahishein
Ki chehre se teri naak hatein
Neendon mein teri bas mere
Dande ki cheekh se badle karwatein

Ki teri tashreef tu pakad ke leke chale
Ye shikari kutte hain tere sab raaste
Main tereko itna pitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi soch na sake

Tere pichhe kutte chhod diye hai
Tujhpe hi kaat kha ke ruke
Main tereko itna pitna chahta hoon
Ye tu kabhi sonch na sake!

akshay-kumar-0051

 


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Missed Call Bling (Parody of Drake’s Hotline Bling)

You used to study all night
You used to, you used to
Yeah!

You used to study all night on your wooden desk
Early morning when you need my aashirwaad
Call me on my incoming free wali voda SIM
Early morning when you give me missed call
And I know when that it is your missed call bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that you need full talktime wala recharge
That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city for PMT classes you.. you..
You have made a lot of boyfriends for yourself now
Even Sharmaji knows and I feel left out
Girl you got me down my izzat, you got me stressed out
‘Cause ever since you left the city, you
Started wearing chote kapde and going out more with gande ladke
Glasses of sharaab, non-veg eating out on the disco pub (ullu ke patthi)
Hanging with aawara ladke I’ve never seen before

You used to study all night long on your lamp light
Early morning when you need my aashirwaad
Call me on my incoming free wali voda SIM
Early morning when you give me missed call
And I know when that it is your missed call bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that you need full talktime wala recharge
That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city, you, you, you
I planned you will become doctor one day
Gyanacologist, Dermatologist or Pathologist
You have to lower your dowry for the wedding day
Going places where you don’t belong
Ever since you left the city, you
You got exactly what you asked for
Running out of balance in your ATM
Hanging with awara ladke I’ve never seen before

You used to study all night on your wooden desk
Early morning when you need my aashirwaad
Call me on my incoming free wali voda SIM
Early morning when you give me missed call
And I know when that it is your missed call bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that you need full talktime wala recharge
That can only mean one thing

These days, all I do is
Wonder if you turning pages of H.C. Verma’s Physics
Wonder if you’re making notes from Pradeep’s Chemistry
Doing things I taught you, getting good rank in your PMT exam
You use to sleep early and wake early
You use to fill water bottles and put in refrigerator
Why you wake so late?
Why you not touching feet of elders?
Used to always stay at home, be a good girl
You was in a study zone, yeah
You should just be like that old girl
Right now, you’re someone else

You used to study all night on your study lamp
Early morning when you need my aashirwaad
Call me on my incoming free wali voda SIM
Early morning when you give me missed call
And I know when that it is your missed call bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that you need full talktime wala recharge
That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city (ullu ki patthi)

MEME2015-11-03-12-19-36


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Parasite (Parody of Paradise by Coldplay)

When I was in the chatori gali
I ordered tangdi kabab
But it had been there for three days
And I started feeling so sick
I got a para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Every time I go to the toilet
Uoooh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

When I was in the chotori gali
I ordered tangdi kabab
But it had been there for three days
And I beaten up that uncle

Life goes on
It feel not so heavy
I’m lighter than a butterfly
Everyday, a waterfall
On the cumboard, the cumboard bowl until midnight
On that dirty smelly cumboard
Who knows what’s happening inside

Fuck you para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

I hate you para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
Uoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

La la la La
La la la

So lying between my mummy
She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh my diet is only khichdi.

Take this para- para- parasite
Fuckin’ Para- para- parasite
That khichdi with para- para- parasite
Uoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

I can be para- para- paralize
Fuck you Para- para- parasite
Could be para- para- parasite
Uoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

Go away para- para- parasite
Para- para- parasite
I hate you para- para- parasite
Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.


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Startup Wale Babu Mujhe Fund Dila Do! (Parody of Dj wale Babu Mera Gana Chala Do)

TVF-Pitchers-Season-1

Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Fund dila do…
Pese dila do… (x3)

Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila de
Thoda jeb khali karde
Thoda investment toh badha de.. (x2)

Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Fund dila do…
Pese dila do…

Arey market mein teri sarkar bana doon
Table ko teri workstation bana doon
Waise to hoon Bhujiyawala
Main aaj raat tujhe draught pila doon
Magazines mai tere photo chhapwa doon
Takkar de jo koi tujhko
Uski company ka band bajawa doon
Jee bhar ke kama le developer
Dollar pound ke shower mein
Yaar mera hai finance minister
Baitha hai jo power mein

Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila de
Thoda jeb khali karde
Thoda investment toh badha de.. (x2)

Duniya rakhun jooton ke niche
Tu kahe toh ban jaaun minister
Din-raat kamau dollar pound
Hindi-English naye puraane
Hukum chala request na kar
Kama le sethji rest na kar
Patient hoon tere coding ka
Patience meri test na kar
Arey startup wale fund dede
Kaoun sa tere loss hojayega
Baki puri kar dunga me koi kasar jo reh rahi hai

Hoye… startup wale mera toh deja
O startup wale mera mera toh deja
Dollars kamaega to aayega mazaa
Pounds kamaega to aayega mazaa

Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Startup wale babu mujhe fund dila do
Fund dila do… Fund dila do…

Arey aaja developer tera fund dila doon
Arey aaja developer tera fund dila doon
Arey aaja developer tera fund dila doon
Fund dila doon…
Fund dila doon…
Dila doon.. aaja developer aaja
Dila doon.. aaja marketing wale aaja
DIla doon.. aja coder fund dila doon!